Friday, May 21, 2010

WOBW Day 5: MD Banana Red

Well here we are at the final day of the Week Of Bumwine, and we're down to the fruitiest, most wrongly-flavored Mad Dog. I know there won't be any way this is as wretched as Thunderbird, but I figure it's a good thing to ease out on. Expect a full write-up of the week's highs and lows tomorrow, followed by a fairly substantial hiatus-- at the earliest, I'll be back next weekend with another guest review, but it may take me two weeks to recover and get back to fighting force. But yeah-- let's get down to business. Let's hop on that Mad Dog and ride it like a fuckin'... fuck, I guess like a giant dog. But we're riding it towards...towards not getting drunk on hobo wine for at least a week. And that's an admirable goal.

Yeah, that one kind of got away from me.

 Now, knowing banana and me have a recent history, I can only imagine how this is going to go. Well, not imagine. Envision. Like a harbinger of death.

 A bright red, almost pink. I really can't talk too much about the color with these fruit MDs-- they're bright and candy-colored and look in no way like something anyone with self-respect should get drunk off of.

I'll say this for it, though-- unlike Orange Jubilee, it's at least not thick and slushy. But look: when I have to say that it has an advantage over some other kind of Mogen, that's not saying much.

Ted Bundy: Better than Dahmer.

I'd like to point out that, as a result of that picture, I just spent a while reading about how various famous serial killers died (Dahmer was beaten to death by a fellow inmate!). I'm only half a glass in and that's what this shit does to you.

It smells like banana, that's for damn sure. Not like the banana candy of Jacquin's though-- this smells more natural, more like actual fruit, although equally awful. It smells like vaguely rotten bananas, or like a bag of dried banana chips left out in the sun. So it's organic, but still absolutely terrible. And the whole thing is undercut with that MD antifreeze ultra-sweet/chemical flavor.

I never thought I'd say this, but Thunderbird, I'm sorry. Here we are on the last night of the week and the dark horse challenger sweeps up and takes the "absolute worst-smelling" trophy out of your leprous, diesel-reeking wings.
 The worst thing about this flavor is that without the banana it would be passable. It would be fruity and awful and have that Mad Dog engine coolant/bathtub scum sweetness to it, but hey, it would be ordinary Mad Dog.

But nope. it just has to take the slimy pseudo-tropicality and just drop a blob of banana on top of it.

Look, I'm sorry. I can't really go on. It tastes bilious, it takes like a less awful version of the Jacquin's, it tastes bilious and fruity. It's like the last five things I've reviewed rolled together into one bottle. Just pick some witty comments from those reviews and put 'em here. The past five nights have finished me, I'm done, it's over. I don't give up-- I made it to the finish, but I refuse to play by the rules anymore.

Yes. Yes, exactly. I'm like David Carradine in Death Race, except that instead of vehicular-manslaughtering the President (spoiler alert!) I just wanna watch some John Carpenter and chat with my girlfriend. Fuck you, readers. I'm done. I'm not gonna do the Liver Death-Tarantella again for a while. MD Banana Red: It's red, it's banana-flavored, it's the worst Mad Dog flavor I've had yet. Don't drink it. And expect a post from a less angry me tomorrow, in which I do a rundown on the past week and bumwines in general.



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